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Predictions for 2009, from the year 1999

 Shortly before Geocities was sent to the great web host in the sky, this collection of predictions for the year 2009--as written back in 1999--was snatched from the jaws of a browser cache. See now what a great pre-Dot-Com-Crash Nostradamus thought of the world we'd be living in today.

Printers, printers everywhere, and not a drop to ink

 Ten years from now, in the year 2009, the mountains of plastic soda bottles we're recycling today will finally find a home in cheap, mass-produced ink-jet printers. So many of them will be made that they'll be given away for as little as $99 each. Conversely, the Midas-World inversion of economics will result in ink refills being many times more expensive than the printer. So much so, that when people run out of ink, they'll simply throw away their old printer and buy a new one in order to use the sample ink reservoirs that they come with.

The world in your hands, suffice that you can get its attention

 Cell phones will evolve to a new stage, where the buttons will be replaced with large touch-sensitive screens as big as your whole hand but thinner than a wallet with only two credit cards in it. Due to the inexorable progress of Moore's law, these "smart" phones will have more computing power than a top-of-the-line Pentium desktop computer of today, and yet fit in your pocket without making it bulge. So powerful, in fact, that they'll be able to surf the web without stripping away all of the graphics or dumbing down the experience. Unfortunately, their usefulness will be crippled by the stogy telecom companies who will encumber them with onerous fees and piss-poor service.

Windows will be able to format a floppy disk and print at the same time

 Incredible though it seems, it will happen only because floppy disks will change form in ten years hence. Rather than spinning magnetic media, vast amounts of storage will become trivial on tiny little static RAM chips that retain their memory even after the power is disconnected. These small, thin modules can hang from your keychain or fit on a credit-card sized device in your wallet. Some might even exploit the new USB connector standard. Windows, alas, will be crippled by an overwrought sensitivity to the security issues brought upon it by the newfound freedom of information. Rather than an effortless intercourse of programs and data ejaculated from your "flash drive", you'll be denied access by a thousand confirmation dialogs. Proving once and again that multitasking in Windows will be, forever, the cooperative type only.

Macs will run Windows apps

 The pressure will soon overwhelm the newly returned Steve Jobs and force him to consider the impossible: binary compatibility. The will of the wind is inevitable--Macs will have... *shudder*... Intel CPUs in 2009. Expect the transition to have such a profound impact--such a tremendous heave--that tidal waves shall crash upon the land, hurricanes shall flatten the cities, and North Korea will arm itself with nukes--just in case. Once and for all it shall be settled: it was the chips, stupid. Expect the Macintosh of 2009 to be little more than a swishy aluminum shell around a copy of Windows XXVI or whatever it'll be up to, then.

You will get your phone service from the cable company, and TV service from the phone company

 Ah, I just threw that in there to make you snort egg-nog out of your nose. I'm kidding. This won't happen until at least 2020.


 Disclaimer: This is a joke. Everything was written at the end of 2009 before the LHC disaster. If you want to know what the author was genuinely predicting in 1999, then the embarrassment is already public.
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